Seireitei Towers
by Kurosaki Rukia Taichou
Summary: Parody Of Spongebob Squarepants


**Seireitei Towers**

_Disclaimer : _**I Don't Own Bleach And Sponebob Squarepants**

**Ichigo as Patrick**

**Rukia as Spongebob**

**Byakuya as Squidward**

**Yamamoto as **

**Unohana as Squidward Mother**

_(__Rukia & Byakuya__ are walking down the road towards the __Seireitei Cafe__)_  
**Rukia****:** So, I was all ready to drain the fries but I cooked the fries slightly too long. So...  
**Byakuya****:** Rukia?  
**Rukia****:** So, here's where the bizarre twist comes in.  
**Byakuya****:** Rukia?  
**Rukia****:** They weren't overcooked at all.  
**Byakuya****:** Rukia, look! _(picks him up and turns him around where we are shown a tall building)_  
**Rukia****:** Wow, what happened to the Seireitei Cafe?  
**Yamamoto****:** Good morning! The Seireitei Towers is not opened for business.  
**Rukia****:** Why did you build a hotel, So-Taichou?  
**Yamamoto****:** I'm glad you asked, son. Remember when I went to that fast food convention and stayed in that fancy hotel? I had a beautiful room. The employees were so friendly. They catered to my every whim, no matter how demeaning it was. Because they lived by a code. And that code was engraved in fine gold above the grand fireplace: _("We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request.")_ Everything was perfect until I got the bill. They charged me for everything. 25 dollars for a hamburger! _(takes out a whole burger from inside his body)_ If they can charge that much for a lousy burger, imagine how much I could charge for a lousy Gotei burger And thus, a Seireitei Towers was born.  
**Byakuya****:** why would anyone stay in a hotel in Seireitei? It's in the middle of scenic nowhere. There's nothing to do but get bitten by hollow. _(__hollow__bite Byakuya__ in head. __Rukia__ pushes the bump in and it goes to the other side of __Byakuya__ head)_  
**Yamamoto****:** Come inside. _(now inside __Seireitei__ Towers)_ Isn't it beautiful?  
**Byakuya****:** Where are all the new hotel employees? _(__Yammamoto__ throws uniforms onto __Byakuya__ & __Rukia__. A hotel guest enters)_  
**Yamamoto****:** My first hotel guest. Watch me reel him in. _(walks behind desk)_ Welcome to the Seireitei Towers where our motto is "We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request."  
**Guest:** Oh, that's great. I'd like a double Gotei Burger with no onions and extra pickles.  
**Yamamoto****:** If you want a Gotei Burger, you'll have to rent a room and order room service.  
**Guest:** Ooh, I've only got an hour for lunch. _(sighs and leaves)_  
**Byakuya****:** Boy, you reeled in that one like a pro.  
**Mr Krabs:** Ok, Byakuya, you man the front desk.  
**Ichigo****:** I'd like a Gotei Burger, please.  
**Byakuya****:** This is a hotel now. If you want a Gotei Burger, you'll have to get a room and order room service.  
**Ichigo****:** Ok, one Gotei Burger and one room with cheese. Oh, and can I get cheese on the burger, too?  
**Byakuya****:** Ichigo, you only live 400 yards away. Why do you want to check into a hotel?  
**Ichigo****:** Sometimes I just need to get away from it all. _(rings bell)_ Wow, this hotel has everything.  
**Byakuya****:** _(takes bell)_ Gimme that! Now sign the register.  
**Ichigo****:** I didn't know there would be a test. I didn't study. _(cries)_  
**Byakuya****:** Ichigo, all you have to do is write your name.  
**Ichigo****:** Oh, ok. _(takes pen)_ Do you mind? _(__Byakuya__ turns around so __Ichigo__ starts writing. __Byakuya__ peeks)_ Don't look! _(__Byakuya__ turns around)_ Done. _(__Ichigo__ drew an airplane and himself)_  
**Byakuya****:** Close enough. Here's your room key.  
**Ichigo****:** I'll need some help with my bags.  
**Byakuya****:** How can you have bags? You just found out this is a hotel.  
**Ichigo****:** This is a hotel?  
**Byakuya****:** D'oh...Rukia!  
**Rukia****:** Yes, Nii-Sama?  
**Byakuya****:** Take Ichigo and his bags to his room.  
**Ichigo****:** What about my gotei burger?  
**Byakuya****:** And bring him a gotei burger.  
**Yamamoto****:** Byakuya, you can take Ichigo's bags up to his room. Rukia, you go make the gotei burger.  
**Byakuya****:** But So-Taichou...  
**Yamamoto****:** What's the matter? Afraid of a little labor? _(imitates __Byakuya__)_ I'm Byakuya and I have to work for a living. Boo hoo hoo.  
**Byakuya****:** Fine. Let's go, Ichigo. _(has struggle with __Ichigo__'s bags as he is walking up to the elevator)_  
**Yamamoto****:** _(comes out of the elevator)_ This elevator is for guests only. Take the employee elevator. _(walks to the other elevator that is only stairs. Walks up stairs as __Ichigo__ gets off the guest elevator)_  
**Byakuya****:** What's in these bags, rocks? _(bag opens spilling out rocks)_ Hey, these are rocks. Why is your suitcase full of rocks?  
**Ichigo****:** Well, I don't tell you how to live your life.  
**Byakuya****:** Well, here's your room.  
**Ichigo****:** Wow.  
**Byakuya****:** Enjoy your stay.  
**Ichigo****:** Byakuya, wait! _(takes out a rock from his pocket and gives it to __Byakuya__ as a tip)_ Keep up the good work and there'll be more where that came from.  
**Rukia****:** Your gotei burger, sir. Hey, Nii-Sama, cool rock.  
**Ichigo****:** Hold on a second, Rukia. _(hands Spongebob a __hundred __dollar)_ Here you are, my girlfriend.  
**Rukia****:** Why thank you, Ichigo.  
**Ichigo****:**There's plenty more where thay came from, my girlfriend. Byakuya!  
**Byakuya: **What now?  
**Ichigo****:** I don't like crusts on my sandwich.  
**Byakuya****:** It's a bun. It's all crust. How am I suppose to cut the curst off a bun?  
**Ichigo****:** Peel it.  
**Byakuya****:** _(peels skin off bun)_ Happy? _(Patrick inhales the patty)_  
**Rukia****:** Room service. Here's the 50 krabby patties you ordered.  
**Ichigo****:** Can you do one more thing for me?  
**Byakuya****:** Why don't you ask Rukia?  
**Ichigo****:** Good idea, Byakuya!  
**Rukia****:** How may I server you, sir?  
**Ichigo****:** I need you to eat these gotei burgers with me.  
**Rukia****:** Oh, yes sir. _(both eat a bunch of __gotei buurges__. As__Byakuya__ heads down the employee elevator, __So-Taichou__ is on the phone)_  
**Yamamoto****:** Hold on. Byakuya, Ichigo needs your help.  
**Byakuya****:** What? Why didn't he ask me before I walked all the way downstairs.  
**Yamamoto****:** He said he didn't want to bother you. But he got over it. _(__Byakuya__ is unclogging the toilet when he unclogs __Rukia__)_  
**Rukia****:** Thanks, Nii-Sama! _(__Byakuya__ puts h__er__ back in the toilet. __Ichigo__ flushes)_  
**Byakuya****:** So-Taichou, this is ridiculous. Ichigo's being completely unreasonable.  
**Yamamoto****:** He can be as unreasonable as he wants. The plaque, Byakuya, the plaque!  
**Byakuya****:** But So-Taichou...  
**Yamamoto****:** Deny no guests! _(phone rings)_ Why, hello Ichigo. You need Byakuya to come up right away? He'll be right there.  
**Byakuya****:** A bubble bath? Why would I give you a bubble bath?  
**Ichigo****:** Because So-Taichou said you would. but make sure to make my back extra shiny clean.  
**Byakuya****:** That's it. I've had enough.  
**Ichigo****:** Byakuya, wait! The toilet's backed up again.  
**Yamamoto****:** _(__Byakuya__ comes down the guest elevator)_ Hey, hey, you ca't take that elevator. You're an employee.  
**Byakuya****:** Not anymore. I quit.  
**Yamamoto****:** Quit? You can't quit. _(__Byakuya__ walks out naked and comes back in with haiwaiin-styled clothes. __Byakuya__ rings bell)_ Welcome to the Krusty Towers...Byakuya?  
**Byakuya** One room, please. On the top floor.  
**Yamamoto****:** What do you think you're doing?  
**Byakuya****:** I need a vacation. I'm overworked. And what better place to relax than Krusty Towers. Where we shall never deny a guest even the ridiculous request.  
**Yamamoto****:** I don't have to rent you a room.  
**Byakuya****:** I've got cash.  
**Yamamoto****:** Errr...here's your roomkey.  
**Byakuya****:** Rukia, carry my things to my room.  
**Rukia****:** Hai, Nii-Sama. _(turns legs into rockets and blasts off through the ceiling)_  
**Byakuya****:** _(talking to __Yammamoto__)_ And you can carry me to my room.  
**Yamamoto****:** And why in tarnation would I do that? You've got two legs that aren't broken.  
**Byakuya****:** The plaque. Too bad we couldn't take the elevator but it is for guests only and you are an employee.  
**Rukia****:** Your room, Nii-Sama.  
**Byakuya****:** And I'd like to order room service. I'd like a gotei burger with cheese, toenail clippings and nose hairs.  
**Yamamoto****:** _(gasps)_ You've got to be kidding me.  
**Byakuya****:** And I want it here in 5 seconds.  
**Rukia****:** Yes, Nii-Sama! _(runs off and comes back with a __gotei burger__ in less than 2 seconds)_ Here you are, Nii-Sama.  
**Yamamoto****:** Well, you've got your stinky sandwich. Now eat it.  
**Byakuya****:** Oh, I'm not going to eat this. You are.  
**Yamamoto****:** What? You're out of your mind if you think I'm going to eat that.  
**Rukia****:** Psst, that's not really a gotei burger with cheese, toenails and nosehairs.  
**Yamamoto****:** _(laughs)_ Now I get ya, boy. Alright, Byakuya. _(eats __gotei burger__ then spits it out. __Byakuya__ laughs)_ Rukia!  
**Rukia****:** Sorry, So-Taichou. We were all out of cheese.  
**Ichigo****:** _(room if covered in cheese)_ Hooray!  
**Yamamoto****:** _(phone rings)_ What is it, Byakuya?  
**Byakuya****:** Send up a dozen cookies just like mother used to make.  
**Yamamoto****:** _(at __Byakuya__ room)_ Here's your homemade cookies.  
**Byakuya****:** _(tries one and spits it out)_ These don't taste like anything mom used to make.  
**Yamamoto****:** How did your mother make em?  
**Byakuya****:** How should I know? Ask my mother.  
**Unohana**_(doorbell rings)_ Hello? _(__Yammamoto__ & __Rukia__ are in ski masks)_  
**Yamamoto****:** _(trying to get a big sack in the trunk but the door won't close)_ Rukia! _(__Rukia__ hits the sack with a shovel but the trunk still won't close)_ No good, So-Taichou.  
**Unohana****:** Allow me, guys. _(closes trunk door)_  
**Yamamoto****:** Great! Now that my laundary's in the trunk...  
**Rukia****:** There's room for you to sit up front.  
**Unohana****:** Let's go bake some cookies, Guys.  
**Rukia**** & ****Yamamoto****:** Hooray!  
**Mr Krabs:** _(in __Byakuya__ room where __Byakuya__ is sampling the cookies)_ Well?  
**Squidward:** I'm impressed. These _(are)_ just like mother used to make. I just wish mom was a better cook.  
**Yamamoto****:** So you're all taken care of?  
**Byakuya****:** Hmmm, just one teensy tiny problem. This room is hideous. Neptune the 14th would be nice.  
**Yamamoto****:** What?  
**Byakuya****:** We shall never deny a guest even the most ridiculous request. _(__Yammamoto & Rukia__ change the room to a blue theme, a modern theme, a country theme, a torture theme, and then back to the original)_ Perfect!  
**Yamamoto****:** This room is exactly the same as when we started.  
**Byakuya****:** Nothing like getting back to the basics.  
**Yamamoto****:** Let's get out of here, Rukia.  
**Byakuya****:** Oh, before you leave, I wanna go swimming.  
**Yamamoto****:** The pool's outback.  
**Byakuya****:** Pfft, are you crazy? I'm not going outside to swim. _(big swimming pool is now inside the room)_ Come on in the water's fine. _(__Rukia__ jumps in)_  
**Yamamoto****:** Anything else stupid and unreasonable that you want?  
**Byakuya****:** Nope, that's it.  
**Yamamoto****:** You don't need me to chew your food for ya? Or make you a back scratcher out of me own spine. Or maybe distinguish the sun so the light doesn't get in your eyes?!  
**Byakuya****:** No, I'm good.  
**Rukia****:** Me, too.  
**Ichigo****:** Wow, an indoor pool? Well, this place is fancy. _(gets on diving board)_ Cannonball! _(jumps in but the pool collapses the hotel back into the __Seireitei Cafe__)_  
**Yamamoto****:** _(at hospital with the gang)_ Oh, that hotel was a bad idea from the start.  
**Ichigo****:** That was a hotel?  
**Nurse:** Your bill, sir.  
**Yamamoto****:** $15,000?!  
**Byakuya****:** You're not gonna have a heartattack are you?  
**Yamamoto****:** Not at these prices. Forget hotels. This hospital rack is where the money is.  
**Ichigo****:** This is a hospital?  
**Yamamoto****:** Pack your bags, boys. You're going to medical school.  
**Rukia**** & ****Ichigo****:** Hooray!  
**Byakuya****:** Oh, boy.

**The End**


End file.
